Last Christmas I told most of my friends and family that I am now living as a gay man. Although I still live alone in my lovely little house in Melbourn, I do have a partner / significant other / boyfriend / lover (choose a suitable term). His name is Andrew Cox, and he lives in Tooting, south-west London. He is 31 years old and works as a software systems analyst/programmer for BT in Croydon. We first met in September 1995 and soon became good friends; between May 1996 and March 1997 we gradually realised how much we mean to each other, and that we are very much in love.
Our relationship is perhaps unusual from the perspective of "normal" society, but is more common in the gay world, which doesn't have the same conventions. Of course there is a large difference in our ages; we have discussed this at length and have come to the conclusion that this isn't a problem.
The fact that our relationship is long-distance, and must remain so for the foreseeable future, is mostly a consequence of the locations of our jobs. It isn't practical for us to live together anywhere within tolerable commuting distance of both Croydon and Cambridge.
We see each other most weekends, share each other's activities (Andrew plays badminton, and is a Buddhist who teaches meditation at the Buddhapadipa Temple in Wimbledon; I still sing in several choirs in Cambridge), and take holidays together. Another aspect is that we have an open relationship -- not exclusive and not monogamous -- again something quite common in the gay world.
Turning now to other events in my life, I need to backtrack into 1995. At Christmas 1995 I visited Andy (my son, to distinguish him from Andrew) in Scarborough, then had a few days walking in the Derbyshire Dales, staying in Youth Hostels. It was frosty and very beautiful. I saw three kingfishers.
During April my horse Mac(millan) who had been on loan for about a year, was taken on loan by a woman living near Peterborough until his sale later in the year to a riding stables near Huntingdon. Fran's horse Melody is still out on loan to an enthusiastic girl, and is still doing extremely well, despite Melody's age -- she's 22!
On 1 May I moved out of the room in Wolfson College where I had been staying since splitting up with Fran in July 1995, and moved into my house in Melbourn. Fran helped me move all my belongings.
In May Andrew and I had a lovely long weekend in the Netherlands, based in Amsterdam, including a trip to the island of Texel.
In June I presented a paper at the annual conference of my professional association, held that year in Bergen, Norway, and took the opportunity to have a holiday driving and camping in southern Norway. The weather was more like Greece than Norway, and I had a wonderful time, despite problems with my car at the end. I hadn't travelled in Norway since 1966, so it was interesting to see all the changes.
At the end of July Andy brought his daughter Kayleigh (aged 2) down to Cambridge for the weekend. Then Fran and I drove Kayleigh back up to Scarborough and had a good day out with Andy. Unfortunately, owing to Kayleigh's mother's remarriage, we have all now lost contact with Kayleigh.
Louise, Fran, and I celebrated my birthday in August with a trip to Ely, where a torrential thunderstorm kept us indoors most of the day.
With Fran I went to Cornwall in September, camping on the beautiful Roseland Peninsular. We visited the Lost Gardens of Heligan, a fascinating place, spent an evening in Bristol, and looked round Bath on our way home.
To celebrate Andrew's birthday in October I took him to see the all-male Swan Lake at the Piccadilly Theatre. It was tremendously well done, and the dance of the little swans had the whole audience in stitches!
On 28 September I attended the reunion dinner for my intake year at King's College, and caught up with old friends. For once, King's produced an excellent meal.
In early November I went to Scarborough and had dinner with Andy, then went to the Yorkshire Dales for the weekend, and had a good walk in the rain near Hebden Bridge. During the walk I watched the filming of part of an episode of Sharpe, with its star Sean Bean much in evidence.
Andrew and I spent Christmas together in Tooting, then drove up to north Lincolnshire to see his parents for New Year (his father is a retired schoolteacher, his mother a Methodist Minister). It snowed heavily.
At the end of January I collected Andrew and his parents from London, and drove them to Cambridge, where we looked round the Colleges.
On 21 February our golden retriever Willow had to be put to sleep after suffering some kind of seizure. He was fourteen and a half, a good age.
March saw another trip to the Netherlands with Andrew, this time with two women friends, Jean and Honor. We again stayed in Amsterdam, and Andrew and I took a trip to Haarlem, where the Frans Hals Museum was fascinating.
For Easter Andrew and I visited his parents again, this time by train, and helped celebrate his father's sixtieth birthday. During that trip I also met Andrew's sister and brother-in-law, who invited us to stay with them in Durham in May. We went up by train and had an excellent weekend in that beautiful city which I had never visited before.
For the last Bank Holiday weekend of May Andrew and I took the Eurostar train to Brussels, continuing by train to Bruges, a delightful place. One day we spent walking from Bruges to Oostkerke and Damme along the canal, returning by boat.
In July I had a weekend walking in the Lake District, camping at Grange-over-Sands. I managed to climb Great End (the end of the Scafell Pike ridge) from Great Langdale, but my knees suffered on the descent. I'm either too heavy, or not fit enough (or both!). Fourteen hours sunshine that day.
On 21 July I led a rather unusual evening walk, from Greenwich to Woolwich, starting at the south end of the Isle of Dogs, and walking along the south side of the river, with the contrast of derelict docks, the views of redeveloped Dockland, and the Georgian houses and pubs of East Greenwich. We passed the site of the Millennium Exhibition and ate a sandwich dinner near the Thames Barrier before going back under the river to North Woolwich, and train back through Canary Wharf. This walk was inspired by a book which I've been helping to edit, which covers the history of the River Thames from 1850--1885.
The first two weeks of September were spent in a seventeenth-century farmhouse in a remote part of central Tuscany, with Andrew, Jean, and Honor. As I was the only driver and the only one who speaks much Italian, it could have been hard work, but the weather and the scenery and the towns were glorious. Jean and Honor prepared a special dinner, with balloons, candles, and presents, to celebrate the second anniversary of Andrew's and my meeting. A very restful holiday. We were so isolated that we didn't hear about Princess Diana's death until we were on the plane coming home, two weeks later!
Divorce negotiations for Fran and me are well advanced, and because we agree on all aspects of the divorce -- particularly the financial arrangements and the fact that Fran is to retain 35 Bermuda Terrace for herself -- we have been able to share both a financial adviser and a solicitor.
Fran works full-time for the Open University in Cambridge. She still sings with Wolfson College Choir, Cambridge Operatic Society, Shelford Opera Group, and our small madrigal group Choir88. She has started a long course to become a counsellor.
Louise is at the moment living with Fran again, and still working for Cambridge Cable. Andy was until recently driving taxis in Scarborough, living in a caravan there. He is now working in York.
I am still a Computer Officer, Grade I, with Cambridge University Computing Service, and Manager of the Literary and Linguistic Computing Centre -- essentially the same work I've been doing since 1974! An office has finally been built for me in part of our larger office. My own research work is reported at conferences and is sometimes published in professional journals. Work which I do in collaboration with others often results in books with me as one of the editors, and I have recently helped to create a major international genetics research tool on the World Wide Web.
Wolfson College have elected me one of the two Senior Member Observers on the Governing Body of the College.
Singing still occupies most of my spare time. With Cambridge University Musical Society choir I have been able to sing many wonderful pieces (as well as a few horrible modern pieces!) Last year's highlight was Elgar's Dream of Gerontius, performed first in Cambridge, then in Oxford. This year we're singing Bruckner's Te Deum, Beethoven's 9th Symphony, and the Verdi Requiem.
Wolfson College choir is, by contrast, fairly amateur, but it tackles some tricky works with reasonable success. Last year we performed Mozart's Requiem, and the summer concert was mostly Gilbert & Sullivan choruses. I sang Sir Joseph Porter's song from HMS Pinafore, 'When I was a lad ...', and Flanders & Swann's wonderfully silly Ill Wind, set to the music of a Mozart Horn Concerto.