"Every long-term relationship begins with a one-night stand." Think about it. You may have met in a gay sauna where you expected to find quick, anonymous sex, but found instead (or as well) friendship, desire, passion, love. Or you may have met in the bar, and spent months working through the stages of eyeing each other, talking nervously, exchanging names, looking forward to your next meeting, the first friendly hug, the first chaste kiss; the realisation that this man means more to you than all your other friends, the sudden deep longing, the first flame of desire - so difficult to quench in public; intimate dinners just for two, when the world outside could end and you two would not notice; a first tentative sexual grope, with all the time the fear that your advance might be repelled; soaring of the spirit when the grope is accepted and returned; and, finally, the crunch: what is he like in bed?
So whether by slow stages or by violent encounter the end result is the same - a one-night stand. And sometimes that is it. Period. Finito. You turn out to be hopelessly incompatible in bed: he is too small, or too large; he snores or farts; he wakes your neighbours when he comes; you like to kiss and cuddle and stroke - he wants to tie you to the headboard and beat the shit out of you. (It must be said that most, if not all, of these incompatibilities can be overcome by a lot of talking and mutual agreement, as long as the rest of your relationship is sufficiently satisfying.)
But sometimes this first one-night stand is magical. It leaves you feeling exhilarated yet exhausted, emotionally high yet tired to the core, sated yet wanting still more. The fortunate few manage to move in together and create a joint life in which love, lust, and friendship intertwine. Those less lucky realise that their plane leaves at seven the following morning, and that however strong the emotion, three thousand miles separation is going to strain it considerably.
Has this ultimate one-night stand then been a waste of time? I think not. You will never forget him, though you never see him again; your spirit has soared with his for that briefest of relationships, and however lonely and distraught you may feel as you part, somewhere inside there is a glow of memory which tells you that this was no ordinary one-night stand!
[Lexx is male, and has made no attempt to write in gender-neutral terms here. The views of women on the same subject would be of interest.]
John L. Dawson
1989
Please email me at: JLD1@cam.ac.uk if you have any comments.